Bridges Aren’t Meant To Be Burnt.

We speed through life, trying to reach personal and professional goals, and we drive over many bridges to get there.  Unless you are aware of what you leave behind, you might accidentally burn a bridge. 

The reason we build physical bridges is that the other side is not possible to reach, without help.  The relationships we build are no different.  You may not know it, but every relationship you have helps you move forward.

Feelings matter.

I have seen many books that encourage everyone to leave their feelings behind and not to surrender to them.  I feel their energy and intent. But the reality is, we remember exactly how someone makes us feel.  Time goes on and the actions of others want to pass us by, but our feelings force us to hold on.

This is one way our relationships start to fall apart.  This can be as simple as a comment we make or how we inadvertently discredit someone.  It is impossible to always be ‘on’ when interacting with others, but our goal is not to miss those key moments when the integrity of the bridge on the line. How someone feels about you, will determine how strong the bridge is.

If you don’t want to miss those key moments, read about the 5 am lake.

Ladder of life.

A lot of the decisions we make in our lives are about us trying to grow.  With phrases like “leave them in your dust” and “the strongest survive”, we can make short work of people, who we feel are in our way.

As we climb this ladder of life, we need to be mindful of how we take each step.  Are we walking over others to reach the top of the ladder?  Do we ignore others to move forward? Is that person going to be needed later in life? 

What we don’t realize is the same people we meet on the way up in life, will be the same ones we meet when we come down the ladder.  There will be moments in our life when we take a step back in growth, and those key relationships will be needed. Success needs to be marked by progress, not when you reach the top.

On your way out.

We see this one happen all the time, someone gives notice and leaves a company. I am not sure what the stats are but I know a lot of bridges get burned when people change companies. We have all been there.

It is really easy to get caught up in conversations with others on the way out, and some negativity is bound to come out. Since you are about to leave, people might unload their frustrations. This toxic rabbit hole needs to be avoided as nothing good comes from it. Leaders, like you, don’t go down rabbit holes (a title of a future blog post).

We have no idea how the next organization or the one after might treat us. When you join, there is always a honeymoon period where nothing can go wrong. Once that phase passes, you will know if you made the right decision. Those relationships you left behind might be needed.

Build stronger bridges.

To avoid always having to be on, it is important to build relationships the right way.  Building the right foundation in any relationship will give you some slack when you slip up.  However, people will know the difference between a slip, and carelessness.

Here are some key qualities to a strong, working relationship.

·      Help when no one asks for it.

·      Don’t discredit people, even if you think you are right.

·      Build trust and hold it.

·      Delivery on your word.

·      Communicate and understand expectations.

Now I am far from perfect, and I have burnt my share of bridges.  You can’t dwell on the past and not move forward.  Realize there are a lot of people you are going to meet still, and you get a second chance to do it right. 

When you need that bridge.

I am going to share a tough story, not because I want to draw attention, but for you to know how important any relationship is.

April 6, 2018, a day that shook a lot of us.  A junior hockey team was travelling for a game when a semi-truck drove into their bus.  The team was the Humboldt Broncos and 16 people died.  I am not going to cover the story of the crash, but it was heartbreaking.

4 people from the city I worked for were asked to go onsite to help the City of Humboldt and the hockey team.  We all had different skill sets to offer and we showed up the Tuesday after the crash.  The environment was emotional, and it had to be, it was a devastating moment.

I had a pretty straightforward role; I was the technology person.  I was to provide the right tech solutions and help get over hurdles.  I clearly remember one hurdle.  The hockey team’s website needed to be updated as a lot of people around the world were trying to reach out to help.  The website login information was with 2 people, who both died in the crash.  I tried calling to get access but no luck.

I sat there and just thought, who do I know that can help me here? I called a junior hockey team owner in my hometown to ask for advice.  I hadn’t spoken to them in years but that didn’t matter to them. This person is well connected in that world.  Within minutes I got a callback, with a phone number and I got all the access I needed. I don’t know who they knew or how they got it but it didn’t matter, I was just thankful. Relationships do matter.

Final Thought.

Our goal is to sprinkle goodness, wherever we go.  That goodness will help maintain those relationships, that you will need later. You may regret some decisions you made in the past, but you can correct them by doing things right going forward. Be a mindful leader.